The Misconceptions of being Single & Sexless pt. 2

“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”-but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.” 1 Corinthians 6: 12 NLT

Hey Guys! First I have to thank God for what He’s doing through this little ole’ blog! The responses from you guys have been overwhelming and I thank you for sharing how the previous entry has blessed you! It touches my heart greatly, to know that someone could receive a word from these entries, so thanks and please, keep em’ coming! ( yes, every sentence ended with an exclamation point, and this one will too!…HA!)

The responses from the previous entry from married and single women alike, really pulled on my mind, to say: “what else is there to this conversation?” As more memories have popped up from stowed away chests with regretful memories; I couldn’t help but notice the same themes I’ve covered previously: the misconception of singleness equating to loneliness and the absurdity of celibacy. However, the foundation of choosing and thriving in this kind of life is simply… love. Self love( healthy self- esteem, not vanity) and love for self (providing love and mercy for the most hated parts of self), love of God and His standard and love of your future. Although we believe we already know what love is, it’s not as simple as we put it. I don’t have it all together myself, but through my journey of what I thought was “being grown, being an adult, sexual liberation and exploring myself” was actually self abuse and slow suicide disguised as independency. HOLD ON! before you leave with the sense that I’m a killjoy to those who enjoy sexual escapades…First, I’d like to address, that ain’t my business! Second, don’t complain because then I’ll have a round about way of knowing your business LOL (*Wink*) Seriously though, God created sex to be wonderful and great and yes, climatic; only in the standard of how He created it. We always seems to want to use things out of context and but desire the safety of God’s intention. (hence all of these social media “challenges”)

Celibacy is Self Care

One thing I’d like to address here, is that celibacy isn’t circumstantial, it is a choice. Those I’ve spoken to, that are sexually active, always joke that celibacy is circumstantial, since no one in their right mind would sign up to live without sex, until marriage. I get exactly what they’re saying, however, if they translated that same thought into becoming a well-rounded, whole and healthy individual they’d see the importance. The object of celibacy, actually has very little to do with the abstaining from sexual activity, but has everything to do with the value we see in ourselves. To make the decision to reserve access to your body until God sends you the person, in where that person is fit to care for your body and you as a whole is a powerful one. Now, this ain’t Sunday school, and many people view sex as self care, and that’s their opinion. I can only speak from my experience. Every hook-up, relationship, etc.. took more from me than what it gave and usually what it gave was more detrimental than a higher body count and a reminder that someone has experienced me. (Yes, even in those moments of great sex, your spirit doesn’t discriminate based on physical pleasures.) The soul ties created from each encounter and the transfer of generational curses and demons helped distract my spirit from recovering quickly. ( I may go deeper into this in another blog.) I’ve missed moments to minister, pour into and just connect with people God sent to me, because My soul was already too full with the souls of men, from my past and their baggage, as well as my own and the things my parents’ refused to deal with.

I’ve been able to clearly hear my own voice and understand who Aeriel really is, once we got all of that out of me. There were things I’ve craved that I thought were authentic to me and it was a former boyfriend’s attribute or secret desire. How long have I been walking around campus, my family, my church, my job thinking I’m me but I’m 3 different people all at once. It started to freak me out! Who has been kissing on and playing with my nephews and niece? Who’s been taking my communion and singing in the choir.. I know very wrong! it’s just truth. Knowing that When the Lord looked at me, He saw __ # of souls and demons, before he even saw me, it hurt me to the core, but knowing He could still see me and find me gave me enough hope to pull away from every sexual desire I had, just to get close to Him.

Masturbation Isn’t in Celibacy. You’re literally playing yourself fam.

I Know…quite a jump right.. yea, let’s get uncomfortable. I didn’t think this would even become a topic, but a memory triggered this point. I was speaking at a youth conference. It was a very last minute decision. I mean literally on the spot, since the representative from the health department backed out, due to her fear of *Le hood*. My sister asked me to step in, since I was the youth pastor at that time and talking about sex to kids is apparently a gift I have. So We go through the pamphlets the rep left with us, so graciously and I start teaching with the biology degree WSSU so kindly granted me and the info given to help guide the kids. The session went as one would assume.. nervous and quiet teenagers looking at me with huge eyes, trying to hide the undertone of giggles in their faces. All the while the few adult chaperones were high fiving each other from memory-stricken ideologies or silently reviewing close calls from past lives. During the Q & A section, a teenage girl asked if it was okay to “explore herself.”

NOW…I had never been asked about where masturbation and where it was in the Bible to say…”Thou shalt not touch-eth thy own self.” So in that moment I had to really just lay on Jesus for proper direction. While a few adults and kids laughed maybe from nervousness or conviction..IDK, I began to minister to her and everyone else who had the same question but not the nerve. This is how I see it, God wants the best for us and that’s why He gives us His word as a guidance as to how to live and why. NO! before you google, there’s no masturbation verse. However, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 NLT says: “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. SO you must honor God with your body.” Now, would categorize masturbation as something appropriate for the temple of the Holy Spirit? probably not.. Now this goes for those who see themselves as Christians and bought by God. The world is governed by their own rules according to the flesh. I assured her that many of us, if not all of us have done it. It’s common and natural..and that’s the thing, it’s natural, it’s not spiritual and we as the children of God, don’t walk after the flesh but spirit. So “exploring yourself” isn’t pleasing to God and the world does promote it with the use of pornography, sex stores and toys plus accessories..etc. However, all of these things and more can cause a dependency and we should never become slaves to ANYTHING, but become servants to God. (Hence, the beginning scripture) So, to answer her question, It’s not what God wants for us, yet He is always understanding of our curiosity, but that isn’t a permission to slip to do now and ask forgiveness later. So let’s explore why you want to “explore yourself” that way. It’s not the only way to get to know you. I’ve found that a lot of young adults have this same question. The quickest way I’ve put it, is to say, that if you agree that God bought you with a price, you also agree that you couldn’t even buy yourself, save yourself or atone for your own sin. Sex outside of covenant is a sin, and if you’re having sex alone, then you’re STILL outside of covenant and it is still a perverted measure of what God created to be holy.

Honestly, it took me a while to write this entry, I had so many aspects I wanted to come from, but these two kept coming to the forefront. This isn’t even how I like to write, really. So I submit to God’s will to write, expose and share these things. We don’t know who may find help just by reading. So I pray that you share, not for me, but for someone else to get a private revelation for a private situation. I had this issue myself for YEARS and God delivered me and HE will surely do the same for you.

Prayer: ” God, You know the intentions of my heart, I pray that in this moment you will cleanse me of every sexual immoral thought and motive I have, known and unknown. Conscious and suppressed. God I want to live for you and you alone. Take away every desire to abuse your temple in anyway and everyway. Renew my mind to bring each thought into the obedience of Christ and in those moments of temptation show me the way of escape you’ve already provided in each test. Lord, I denounce every demonic spirit and soul tie I may have consumed, though sexual partners and the viewing of pornography. Let my heart and mind find satisfaction with you alone. I thank you for the desire to change and being with me through this process. In Jesus’ name, Amen.