Are You Single-Single?

“I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him.” 1 Corinthians 7: 32

A few years ago, I used to work in a hotel and their distinguishing quality was having a full kitchen in their rooms. The manager told me about their infamous yet discontinued shirts that said: “We have a kitchen-kitchen.” He told me about how guests would reference the shirt, as he grinned with memories of laughable comments from guests past. Ever since then, I’ve always found myself using that same phrase when describing to potential guests what the kitchen includes, during my sale pitch. I don’t know about you, but I can pretty much guess that you’ve heard this use of the same word repeated twice, to express emphasis on something being the authentic nature of the word.

Growing up in a Black community, I’ve heard this used plenty of times, but not as much as I have in my adult years. In college, it was mostly “I’m single-single.” Used as an attempt to show my absolute status when a guy showed interest at a kickback. Just so you know, he’d be reassured that he has no competition for my attention. When I started preaching it was “OH, you’re a Christian- Christian!” Now it’s more so when referenced to my singleness & celibacy… it’s back to “Oh, You’re single-single?!” Boy, it’s been a trip! But I kind of enjoy the large reaction of those people witnessing the one taboo-ish thing for the week lol. While writing the entry for last week, God had other plans, so here’s the topic I wanted to bring to your attention… are you single-single?

I mean…

Nowadays, asking a person if they are truly the authentic nature of being single is important and necessary. There are so many different situation-ships, contracts and secret understandings between people that you’d be insane if you didn’t try to get a clear understanding of someone’s relationship status before deciding to talk to them. I’m only here to pose this question to you. Think about it for a while before you answer….are you really single-single? Being single is more than just not being in a committed relationship, or not checking the “married” box while filing your taxes, but it’s a state of being completely available. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “single” as “Unaccompanied by others.” [1].

Are you accompanied by others?

Do you bring your past to a first date? Have you secretly had your insecurities on 3-way while on the phone? Have you yet to break up with the memories of the last person you had sex with? The majority of us who identify as single, may not be legally married, sexing or even entertaining anyone at the time, but most of us are married to things we told God, and others, we’ve divorced. The above scripture is part of a letter Paul is sending to the church in Corinth, giving instructions and some personal preferences on how to handle life as believers. The 7^th chapter gives a lot of information concerning singleness, married life and Paul’s own preferences for the single life. He says that married people, have the distraction of maintaining the marriage and family life, in regards to serving the Lord without the restriction of time. Paul IS NOT against marriage by any means, he not only prefers singleness but also the freedom to use his time for God.

Let’s Be honest…

I don’t want to make this a long entry, which it may already be, but really pray and ask God to bring up those things you’re committed to that are distractions from serving God. Some of us are in polygamous relationships; trying to honor each partner when all they do is drain you and pour nothing in but the immediate gratification of the moment. I’ve been married to memories of past partners looking to find some sort of intimacy that my celibacy can’t bring. I’ve been married to mixing brown and white liquor to help bring the “boldness” of Aeriel out, so I could ditch intimidation for a while. I’ve been married to all of my insecurities and used my excuses and apologies as marriage licenses for validity. Look, we all have issues, crutches, secrets, and addictions of some sort, whether it’s drama or consulting palm readers and horoscopes when God takes too long. I submit to you (in my preachers’ voice LMBO) to take the time to count how many things you’ve committed to keeping, as a shortcut, as a flesh pleaser, as a source of ungodly entertainment, and you confront them in truth. Be honest with God and allow Him to come to clean you. Remember, He won’t fight you for you, He’ll fight for you against things you didn’t submit to. Let’s be single-single so that we have room not only for Christ and all he has for us but for the one we’re meant to marry, legally. Stay blessed and be intentional about your being in Christ!

1. “Single.” Merriam-Webstar.com. 2020. Retrieved March 4, 2020, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/single.