Unequipped to be jealous pt. 2

Have you ever considered that the reason you don’t have what you want is because you’d mishandle it? Unbeknownst to us, our mishandling of something causes the mishandling of ourselves. My friend and I have had a few conversations about her body and how people see her versus how she sees herself. While I’m thinking she has the body most people pay & pray for, she doesn’t even mention it as apart of who she is, and she shouldn’t. Her identity, purpose and skill has nothing to do with the perverse thoughts of attraction & envy from others.

Wile hanging out from time to time, men stare like she’s a walking ham hock. I’ve seen women clutch onto the arms of their men even tighter when she walks past. I’ve seen women roll their eyes at her without her even being aware of it because she’s outliving their jealousy. On the other hand, I’ve witnessed women come up to her inquiring about her diet and exercise regimen hoping for the same results. Only to become disappointed when her replies included, at the time, a dedication to fries and mountain dew.

One day she opened up as we discussed the recent reaction of an observer and she tells me the dark side of the admiration. Not knowing if a guy is genuinely interested in her or her body and the challenge in her unyielding personality that keeps them trying to convince her to date them. The inappropriate looks and stares on every level. She endures being sexualized as a object before she’s respected as a person and respected for her identity. All of this is something I can’t handle… I’m so serious. I’m creeped out by guys trying to give “the eye” before they approach me, let alone the level of looks she gets and knowing my past with sexual assault, it’d be a trigger for me.

After listening to her experience, I realized I wasn’t equipped to live her life, emotionally and physically!! My personality handles things much more passively unlike her. Her big personality and whitty comebacks makes people feel uncomfortable with mishandling her, which isn’t always the case for quiet, laid back people like myself. It hit me that though I wanted the big butt and matching hips, I needed to grow in a way in which the lack of my ideal shape wouldn’t impact my perception of my purpose and identity.

What I’m saying with all of this is, she is aware of the pros and cons of having what people deem as ideal. She can handle the cons, the uncomfortable stares and unattractive comments from raggedy men who believe in pick up lines; along with women who idealize her body just to get the same attention they are unaware that they don’t want. The desire to become attractive to the masses because the applause of many feels better than the applause of one; and the applause of many is at the cost of peace from the one who shucks and jives for it.

This example was only the form of having the ideal shape, but we do this all of the time. We envy each other’s salaries, shifts, cars, businesses and let’s not even go into aesthetics. We bombard those who have what we want with questions of “how do I?” “What should I do to?” All hoping for a simple solution to achieve something God didn’t give to us, and probably for good reason! Maybe God wants us to build character by working for the things we want, such as career paths, partnerships and other opportunities. But what if God is doing the same thing by not giving us those things? Things that make us feel validated, wanted, and beautiful. These things bring satisfaction but only if its validated by people and culture.

God didn’t think you needed to have the perfect body, hair or teeth for you to have purpose here and the issue shouldn’t be centered on doing squats for appeal….but to address why we feel we need these things to feel beautiful, or desirable especially when God thought you were to die for…and you are. Insecurity sends is on a chase for perfection and the strategy for it is to waste our time here. It’s time to address insecurity and how we see ourselves because there are people who need us!


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