Church girls & imaginations

As I sit here with braiding hair strung around me as I attempt to do my own hair, I felt the need to write this. Oddly enough, I already had a post for today, but hey, if something is on your heart, I’ve learned not to silence it and this may seem petty…maybe, I’m not sure, but I feel it should be said.

As a Christian woman, it’s rare to find single friends who walk this walk with me. Trying to live our lives outside of our preferred standard, for God’s is difficult enough. While I’ve been blessed to have both single and married friends alike, I feel that some believe that the totality of the single woman’s Christian experience, is built on finding a husband, it irritates me.

girl..simmer down

Now before you think I’m anti-relationship or marriage, I’m definitely not, but I’m a strong supporter in healthy singleness for healthy marriages and life in general. In almost every small group that centers around Christian women, the focus automatically drives into the expectation of a husband to come to the rescue of a life lived single and sad. I’ve been a contributor to the array of cliche’s. Chirping along with sayings of, “I can’t wait til’ God brings my husband.” Sharing my own desires of splitting bills, wedding plans and laughs in my large, open kitchen with marble counter tops while we prepare dinner together and smiling as he takes out the trash.

It’s all we talk about! A future husband and kids to follow and we believe that’s the result of living a Christian life, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

There’s sooo much more than this!

As great as this all is in my head, I’ve noticed that some of us have ascribed our walk with Christ, to a walk down the alter and that freaks me out. There is so much substance in a relationship with Christ, that it shouldn’t be perverted into a a dating service. We go or have gone (pre Corona) to church with praise and worship thrist traps. I’ve seen attractive men in worship and my eyelids have lowered onto a sultry gaze of being impressed to see a man praise God. GIRL!!! That’s what they’re supposed to do!! I’ve gone to other churches low key hoping for a chance encounter of bumping into my husband.

I know I’m not the only one…(sideye). While I understand the desire for a spouse, I also have to be willing to acknowledge the delusion I’ve created in my mind, when I should be focusing on Jesus, especially in worship. If we work the relationship we have with Christ, he will bring what and who he wants us to have at the appointed time.

Lastly, someone needed to hear this:

Abstaining from sex and other things to live a Christ-lead life, isn’t rewarded with the chance to ultimately become physically indulgent again in marriage.

Celibacy isn’t rewarded with a spouse. We’re supposed to live this way.

The belief of building up grace to cover us when we want to make a bad decision isn’t valid.

Christianity isn’t based on a reward system to appease our preferences, it’s a way to live.


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