What I’ve learned about being a wife from not being one

Despite the year being suffocated with COVID coverage, natural disasters and (in my personal life) hearing packages of bad news, delivered in bulk almost seasonally, one thing hasn’t stopped and that’s love. Up and down, my TL is filled with small, intimate, beautiful weddings. As I look at the pictures of smiling, wide-eyed brides and grooms, my eyes grow just as wide as “AWWWWWs and OHHHHHs” spill out of my throat. How beautiful are weddings right? I was just at my friend’s wedding Sunday and hearing the officiant speak so eloquently about the purpose of marriage and the roles of each person, made me fall in love with the idea of marriage all over again.

I love the intention of God in the creation of marriage. Yeah, the wedding is cool and all, but the marriage is the focus of it all.  I’ve often wondered if I’d ever be ready for such a responsibility… what would I do, when he gets on my nerves? What if he wants to talk when I don’t? How do I handle a situation in whether he or I decided to get out of control?

Anyway, after talking with my parents in the past as well as other couples and some bible study, even with a skewed perspective, here’s some things I’ve learned:

Being a wife is more than a title, it’s rooted in character

Typically, when people connect what a wife is, they automatically go to proverbs 31:10-31. I get it, it’s a great passage. Countless birthday celebrations for Black grandmothers and Mother’s Day services repeated this passage as they place their matriarch in the place of this woman. Being a godly wife is founded in her beliefs, not only in Christ, but in who she is. Who we believe we are, directs our decisions and are eventually, expressed in our actions.

Learning to care for someone, just as much as yourself is something we must learn, it’s not as automatic as we think. What I mean is having the discipline to love. Love is very much a action word and the woman in the passage is continuously working. Her character is displayed by her work ethic and that is fueled by the desire to maintain her household becuas of the love she has.

Her work is beyond her husband

This woman is all about her business and while the welfare of her husband is apart of her business, he is not the entirety of her attention and efforts. She is an entrepreneur, she saves her money to carefully invest for a return. She uses her gift to not only fund the household, but to create clothing for her entire household including her servants. She is resourceful and efficient in all she does.

While reading, I noticed that the word “household” is repeated more than the word “husband”. It seems that we as a society have perverted the nature of marriage from God centered and agreed hearts in work ethic to over sexualization and spousal obsession. There’s a little more to this, so stay tuned for part 2✌

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