BBL’s & heart issues

“And have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.” Colossians 3:10 ESV

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. (2001 ) Crossway Bibles, (What Does the Bible Say About Image? (openbible.info)

This won’t be a long entry.( I may have just lied, sorry!) I was inspired to write this now…like right now because someone needs this other than me. This is something I’ve struggled with more in the past, and it lessens the older I get, but I still have moments. I’ve written a post (https://aerielwynnell.com/2020/05/19/unequipped-to-be-jealous-pt-1/) a while ago about wanting the perfect body, which, my best friend has in my eyes, her reaction to it and how others react to her. Having the discussion with her was therapeutic but that didn’t give me a coke bottle shape overnight. Since that talk, I challenged myself to find things I appreciate about my own body and ability. Besides, I can only be me and my mentality is what makes the difference. I used to say that if I had the means to get plastic surgery, I would; now, my mind has changed drastically. Nothing against anyone who has had or wants cosmetic surgery, but for the person I’ve grown to be, that wouldn’t do anything for my confidence. Yes, I want to look good… but the question here is, to who? Also, what have I done to contribute to that in my own strength?

Being a African American woman without a figure that places capitol “C’s” on my lower back and hips is almost like a curse! Black women has the association of having a big booty, child-bearing hips, fullness, being built or stacked. My fear was being built like the capitol letter “R”! Well, I have no butt even at 30! This has been a thing I’ve been teased about since high school. Before high school, I thought I was a overall cutie! I had a few insecurities about my tummy, but paid no attention to the lack of a bubble butt and once it was pointed out, it was like I had a stamp of shame back then. I still attracted guys, but I felt the lack of a sexier figure would render me single and alone forever. I think of this occasionally now as an adult. About a month ago, I went out to enjoy a night on the town and no man approached me at all. Now, there are other factors at play, but the only thing I thought to myself was, “If I had hips and a butt, I’d have them flocking to me.” —toxic thoughts taking over!!

In the age of increasing BBL’s and undergoing the knife to buy the perfect body, it’s easy to let our insecurities preach something that has no substance. What’s the point in buying a body if our mind is toxic. My mind was and is; think about it. Why would I want men to flock over me only because of my body. I get that physical attraction is a big part in initial interest, yet if they can’t look at me for how I am now, they may not be the man I need to be with. I have to work to build a healthy me and learn to love myself first. Instead of focusing my attention on feeling like I have the wrong kind of bait, focus on why are out here fishing in the first place. I can’t speak for you, but how I view myself is still skewed. God called us to be daughters of the king, made after his own likeness. We must examine why do we want this attention in the first place. I hate when guys are over sexualizing women, but yet, I do it and want that kind of interest shown until I fell it crosses a line. ( The hypocrisy!) Where is God in the attention I’m craving? (He’s not there) It’s carnal, and I spent so much time looking at the image of God through the lenses of the world. So, now I see every flaw in a perverted manner. I’m not seeing myself properly, how would I expect a man to, espcially a man of God. What will grab his attention would differ (In some cases) than a worldly man. But that’s all I’ve been exposed to, the excitement and pursuit of worldly men, because I was a worldly woman.

Instead of critiquing our looks through a worldly lens, let’s look at our character, and that will lead us to fix those physical things that we dislike, that are within our control. For example, most of us, lack discipline which carries over into our diet and exercise to be the healthiest we can be, which is me, but I’m working on that now. (22lbs down!) Let’s address our lack of consistency, we may abstain from intercourse, but we give allowance for pornography and masturbation which influences how we see our bodies and how we expect our bodies to be treated. Let’s look at our determination, to build clientele or chase the bag, but not to change our diet to something that’ll honor God with our effort. It’s not as much about vanity and sexiness as we think, all of this is an heart issue, a character issue. We can’t have a transformed mind (Romans 12:2) with worldly influenced eyes. God changes everything, our mind constantly need renewal, from trauma, unhealthy traditions, habits, outdated perceptions that no long serve who we are to become in Christ. Don’t worry we’ll get there, but let God change our minds and our hearts. Love you all, take care!