Do you know what you’re asking for?

“Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding.”

Proverbs 2:2

We all want things; we’re a group of people that always has sight set on the next big thing. Relationships, clothing, cars, opportunities, we are filled to the brim with desires, half of which we don’t need anyway. In all the saved pages and screenshots taking up storage space in our phones of new amazon finds, we become lost in the lust of having something new. The excitement of getting something that you’ve always wanted, something that will enhance our lives in some way. I’m the exact same way, I have 3 amazon wish lists and over 10 Pinterest boards I abandon until I want inspiration for the next craving. One thing I’ve come to learn about desires is that despite what it is, you must come to understand what you’re asking for or at least, the possibilities it brings.

For example, some time ago I was talking to God about a husband. I was telling God how I believe I’m ready for a husband, (I know, I know) to share a household with someone I can trust with everything I hold near and dear. As God, continued to side eye me, I went on with my list of traits I found complementary to my life. After my monologue, I heard him say so clearly, “Listen to yourself, everything you’ve listed are things you’re equipped with and do for yourself. You don’t want a husband, you want a help mate .” I stood in my kitchen mind snatched! Swallowed up by his response. I just stood there, no really I stood still in my kitchen for about 3 full minutes soaking in the ignorance of my asking. Marinating in my thoughts about what God dropped in my lap.

Living single for this long, I’ve learned to appreciate what I bring to my table because that’s the only thing I’ve received to put it frankly. I treasure my cooking and other domestic skills, the way my own presence feels in my home. I love how I prioritize my well-being and the management of my household of 1. How I go about inventory, both spiritual and emotional and how my environment and productivity are positively correlated. Since I value those things, I’ve been placing those same duties on a husband to take the load off of me, when that isn’t the totality of a husband, but a help mate. Now, I did NOT say that a husband cannot, wouldn’t or shouldn’t do these things by any means. I’m simply saying that he has his own independent responsibilities that complement his wife to bring everything full circle.

In my desire to have a clone of myself, I leave no room for a husband to be an asset, only an assistant. In a Godly marriage, no one takes a backseat to anyone, however the husband is the head of the household and the wife is there beside him to help achieve the purpose God has for our partnership in life, love, children and business. I think a lot of us as singles forget that. Leaving room for your future spouse to be what we need, instead we’ve think of them as walking vision boards. We can’t fulfill all of our needs and we weren’t designed to, a spouse fills that role to provide something we couldn’t and even as a couple, God is still necessary to facilitate our needs individually and together. I wasn’t sure of what I was asking, if anything, I was asking for what I already had, me! Understanding what you’re asking for helps us to respect that vacant space and it’s role when filled.

Ask God for what you should desire before going into any relationship, be it business, romantic or friendship. Let him guide you to what’s complementary and not what’s already in you. Take time to understand because that’s where the respect is visible and the need is relevant. Hope this helps you in your journey! Stay blessed!