These past few weeks have felt continuous. I know, that’s a great start to this post…this is the most accurate sentence that describes how I’ve been feeling so far. Ever since Covid, some us even before, there’s been a push on purpose. Discovery of it, expressing it, hiding it, sharing it, purpose has been everywhere, or at least in my world it has. At this point purpose has become synonymous with business as I’ve been trying to find my own niche and build a multi-billion dynasty from old ideas I’ve resurrected and murdered within days of being unmotivated to work it properly. What is going on? Lately, I’ve been obsessing over my purpose, how to express it and if God is pleased with me so far and it’s taken a toll on me mentally. I find myself tired without doing much, fighting the laziness I feel from an moment to moment basis had become my priority instead of resting, working or just unplugging. I’ve talked to friends about it, my therapist and myself, but the most relief came after praying about it and if you’ve been obsessed with finding your purpose or feeling like you’re not doing enough, this is for you…. get ready…
You’re doing fine!
Before you start to fight me on this, hear me out. Yes there were, are and will be times where you could and should do more and you don’t for whatever reason. We all mess up outside of our intentionality but look at where you are. You’re not where you were. Take that into account, even if you’re not where you’d like to be, you’re still not where you were mentally, emotionally and spiritually that counts! We have to be logical about where we are and that will help with where we’re going. Take a breath..no really, do it! 1,2,3…*inhale* now, *exhale*. God knew you’d be here before you did and He still loves you, completely and without flaw. The trick is remembering that still rings true when we don’t feel useful but right now, live in the present moment of knowing God loves you and approves of your presence here on Earth and that means so much more than we realize!
You’re right where you need to be
In the last few years, the number of small businesses have skyrocketed and it’s not surprising. The pandemic has shown many of us how weak the thought of job security can be. Our purses and wallets have been shaking trying to pay bills while being laid off from a job we hated anyway and don’t want to return to. I bring this up because I know your TL has to be filled to the brim with ADs of side hustles, life and business coaching and other small business posts. While that is beautiful thing to witness the overflow of small and minority own businesses, may I submit for your consideration, not to compare your journey with someone else’s. I’m never against someone going out there making extra money in legal ways, (side eye) all I’m saying is not to rush into anything because you feel you should be doing something similar. You may have a business, book, song, etc. inside of you that needs to be sold, marketed and bought. My point is not to confuse the curse of comparison to push you into premature labor. We tend to move at the fear of being behind when we have a different schedule than others do. we tend to make purpose the idol and push God aside trying to please what we think our best move is.
Don’t let unbelief overwork your mind
Yesterday while on IG, I saw a post from one of my favorite teachers, Jackie Hill Perry. She’s begins to speak on how we as people tend to focus on the kind of sin another person does instead of addressing unbelief. She further explains that sin is ultimately unbelief wrapped in action. To act on our own beliefs that we know what’s better for us than God does, leads to sin and she’s right. My anxiety about fulfilling purpose is packaged in mistrust of my God and how He’s handling my life because I see purpose in a one dimensional way. God Himself is multidimensional and by committing myself to one look, one sound, one path, I’m putting restraints on how God wants to use me at any moment. Maybe God wants me to post something on social media I don’t feel like posting, or maybe He wants me to smile at a stranger who’s having a tough time. Those things, as small as they seem, are tools of God to spread His love. I hadn’t realized how much I had sold out to this dream of becoming a great teacher like Jackie Hill Perry or her husband Preston. I’ve jumped at opportunities to share what I’ve learned in my walk with Christ and I had to back out because I had not prayed on the opportunity. I didn’t seek God’s permission on my involvement, the opportunity fit my expectations and I went for it. Learning to discern the season of moving of faith and patiently waiting is the key. There’s so much more to dive into but for now I’ll leave you with a few song recommendations that have blessed me in this season of life, and I pray they help you too. Also, here’s my prayer for this season: Lord, help me to become openminded to other ways you want to use me, Amen.