Churched

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matt 11:28 NIV

This post wasn’t planned at all…or at least not by me. Lately, I’ve found myself overwhelmed with the church. Now before you assume I’m leaving the faith, let me explain. Simply put, I’m tired. I’m getting the effects of over-extending myself and volunteering to help with any event that falls on an off day. My weekends are filled with things centering around the church, ministry, service, and any Christian-related word you can throw on the load as well. To combat that, I’ve been inspired to take a step back, which after a second thought turned into stepping back. If you know, you know that the two are entirely different. A step back means decreasing responsibility to preserve oneself. A step away (to me at least) means taking a break from everything.

Let me stop here. I started writing this post last week. The point of this post was to encourage those who are running on fumes and are looking to the church to find restoration or a reset. As Christians, we know that this is faulty thinking but it doesn’t stop us from falling into the belief that a church service will refresh us. In reality, it’s the feeling of moral satisfaction, the representation of joy, and the resulting uplifting feeling that soothes us into a rightfully earned “after-church nap” that provides more comfort than the comforter.

I was writing this in hopes of encouraging you while I was drained, grasping at Sunday for my grip on reality. Yes…that was dramatic, but it was a good line. (Don’t side-eye me!) I anticipated finishing this post on the day I started and in classic me fashion, I didn’t and Sunday has come and gone. Let’s just say my face has the imprint of the church’s carpet on my face!

I’ve been renewed and restored and it’s my job to maintain that as much as possible. Sunday wasn’t just a great sermon and jamming my heels into the floor with the rhythm of drums. Sunday presented something I prayed for relief, release, and help. It wasn’t gifted to me in the church service, but it was presented within my service within service. Here’s what I mean: the last few weeks have been tiring due to my schedule and being off-balanced in one area can throw anyone off their game. That area for me is my work in the church, I’m a part of a few ministries and Sundays are my busiest day and the day I get the least amount of sleep especially right after work. What pushes me to attend regularly to multiple services each Sunday is that I must serve. While noble, it’s depleting and self-serving. No one should go to church out of sheer responsibility alone, but because you want to worship. Joy should pull your heart there and your service will now be true ministry because it’s rooted in the right place and lately that wasn’t my song.

Of course, I knew that church was meant to praise my God within fellowship but I’d have to push myself on the way to and throughout service to be grateful and participate actively because despite how I feel, God is worthy. I do want to bring balance here, and that is knowing that yes, God is worthy despite our feelings, however, He doesn’t encourage us to ignore our needs for blind fellowship and responsibility. Know when you need a break, communicate that to your loved ones, and take a step back if needed. Here on a Sunday, when I decided that my level of engagement or service wouldn’t depend on my energy level but on the privilege to be present and worship Him freely. That’s exactly where God met me, where I decided to serve. God heard my exhaustion inside and outside of my service and refueled me, refreshed my mind, and covered my heart. It’s an experience I can’t completely articulate with words on a page or describing one single gift or miracle moment as proof of what He gave. It’s intangible and because of that, it can’t be measured or numbered. It can, however, be managed and if I ever need Him in such a way again, He’ll breathe into me until I’m refilled.